Bald is Beautiful (as long as you smile!)

Chemo - Round 2 of 8!   I realized that I didn't update this blog after my chemo treatment last Thursday - sorry to all who were concerned.  (Seriously Mom, I know I've told you in person but maybe saying it in public will reassure you... You are the #1 person that can call, even if I'm feeling sick or sleeping!)  This round of chemo was actually easier on my tummy than last time.  I think it may have had to do with the fact that I was actually taking all my nausea pills proactively.  The only side effect of the nausea pills was that they knocked me out more.  I slept for most of the weekend; sleep for 3-4 hours, awake for 1-2 hours, then back to bed type of scenario.  My bones were pretty achy as well, especially the back of my neck and hips.  However, despite all that, all is good.  Monday I was feeling good enough to venture out with the kids to Boondocks.  I spent most of the time sitting in a booth listening to an audio book, but it was nice to get out and about.  Today (Tuesday) I'm feeling almost 100% - yea!!

Now, to the hair... it's gone!!  Matt helped me to buzz it on Sunday morning but it still felt really tender with 1/4 inch to push against my scalp so I totally shaved the rest of it off today.  It's been driving me crazy since the middle of the week and it feels so much better to have it gone.  No more hair all over my pillow or in my mouth when I wake up, no more worrying about it being all over my clothes or in everyone's food; hooray!  This picture doesn't show it very well, but there are patches of completely bald spots all over my head.  Some spots are the size of a dime while others are about 3" across.  I'm not gonna lie, the idea of "really" shaving wasn't as easy as I expected.  I started to cry Saturday night and wanted Matt to shave it right then.  He wisely and firmly suggested that we do it in the morning when I wasn't tired and it was a fabulous idea.  I did shed some tears, but there wasn't any sobbing (like the time, at 21 years old, when I cut my almost waist length hair to my chin and thought it was the end of the world - ahh, how I love the perspective that comes with age!).  

I am constantly telling my children, especially my daughter, that beauty comes from the inside and everyone is beautiful when they smile.  I do need to remind myself of that often, more especially now, but it is something that I truly believe.  It doesn't hurt matters that I have the most supportive, loving, and complimentary husband on the planet.  About a month or so ago, I was browsing some cancer forums and there were a lot of women that were worried about how their husbands would receive their loss of hair and/or the changes that come with the mastectomy.  It broke my heart to know that's an additional concern with some women going through this ordeal.  I know without a doubt that Matt loves me unconditionally.  He is my biggest cheerleader and is so amazing at letting me know it!  When I buzzed my hair, Matt gushed about how cool it was and how he seriously thought I should rock the look sans cancer.  Before I went to sacrament meeting on Sunday (my first outing post-buzz) he told me how gorgeous I looked and reminded me that confidence will help me "pull off" anything - such good advice in any circumstance.  Even when there are times where I know he's shoveling a bunch of over-the-top flattery in my direction, I'll take it!  I'm blessed to have that guy in my life.  Now, truth be told, not everyone in the family is on board with the baldness... I'm still working on getting 2 of my kids to not be afraid/weirded out by the lack of hair.  I know that it's a scary reminder of the battle I'm fighting, but I think that they'll come around with time and by seeing that I'm handling the treatments well.  And on that note, I'm off to go hang out with those super cute kiddos.